Changed...

While driving somewhere a couple days ago I suddenly came to the realization that I was raised as a single child by a single parent, my mother, and yet I still hold a vestige of another -- someone who had no influence in my upbringing or have any connection to the person I am today -- I am still under the most powerful control of all. My last name.

I asked myself why I still hold on to the last name that I have now -- Nguyen-- when it is really not the last name of the person who committed 20 years of her life to me. A last name is something powerful, important and defining. It holds history, culture, life and personality that defines a person. To say my name is CHAU NGUYEN is saying I am a person that came from a history of people with this same name and that by hearing this name you know that I am part of something.. I still am defined by the person who left me with this name and in doing so left an imprint in my life.

To say that my last name makes me who I am is not really what this blog is about. This is about my realization that I still am unable to let go of everything that the person with this last name gave me. I had a chance to change my name.. which I did.. I shortened my name.. added a middle part to it but still kept the most important part of all.

At birth I was given the name Chau Long Ha Nguyen. My name is Chau Ha Nguyen. My mother is Jenny Ha.

No where was I influenced by the person with the name NGUYEN.

I drove on and came to a decision that Chau Ha is really not me. What a funny thing to put one self through all that and grind to a halt with acceptance. I really need to pay attention when I am driving.