Faces

there's something intriguing about a rainbow.
it's there but not really,
it's real but not really.
it's far away but not really
i have written about rainbows before but i can't bring myself to really defined why it means so much to me.
maybe cause i chase rainbows throughout life but never really see that pot of gold at the end.

i involved myself in countless activities yet as soon as i reach the middle ground, i begin to search for another.
i'm constantly hunger for a group mentality, the bonding of purpose, the acceptance of friendship and the extension of belonging.
i find myself searching for the right feeling, the right moments, the right people.
i'm in the middle of it all, the people, the purpose, the acceptance but i still feel alone.
the things i search for to fill that void still lack colors.

i'm here but i want to be somewhere else.
once i'm somewhere else i long to be back to where i started
constantly unsatisfied but at the same time overwhelmed to the point of stopping and quitting.
i look at what other people have and wish i can have the same thing,
pushing myself, pouring my heart and soul into it
but as soon as i reach that culmination,
i chase rainbows again.

i know nothing about the individuals and the purpose that i am part of
yet i see them everyday,
i know their faces but i can't put my own face to where they are.
a puzzle board with fitting pieces all perfectly nestled together, 5000 counts boxes.
that i can never finished because i am a 1 count box.
two large yet too small even when i snipped an edge or two, even jammed it in hoping it'll match at least at a corner.
i'm a wanderer, always searching
always chasing
my not real but shining and colorful rainbows.