Wake Up

Where would you trot?. Safe and clean ground paved by hands that over the years collected, learned and applied smooth walkway or tread the uneven and treacherous roads of one who gone off the path?

My eyes were forced open today to the complete and utter chaos and impossible reality that is "WHO AM I and WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"

Don't have DEATHBEDS REGRETS they told me. How am I supposed to feel when things that I fear are coming full circle?



Am I sinking? or is this an illusion cast on by my fears and anxieties created by watching others on my safe reality. Two roads lead to nowhere and we are all on it just those who can swim are bound to get their feet dry. I can swim but the water is flowing too fast..

This picture was taken on Lake Geneva, Switzerland... I couldn't put words to why it called out to me until the image pops into my head today.. and I realized I was drawn to it cause it's so ridiculous that it makes sense. A broken visage against a backdrop of serene beauty.


Don't have Deathbed Regrets when you have the choice to do the things you choose or want to do they told me after they pound into my head the question.


Do you brighten the room when you enter it or does it brighten when you leave?


where do you go from there? all of my regrets are for the possibility that I walk too softly and never bothered to leave my prints anywhere.. even at the beach. Would anyone remember? Would you know who I am.. more than that I lived a happy life and will forever be missed by my friends and family? I have always feared and look down upon the prospect that I will become a glorified achiever on the day of my funeral and the greatest speaker will be the person I hated most, while my sweet weather friends are no where in sight. I am the pinnacle of funeral eulogies.

"Here lies Chau, She will be forever missed."

or be it

"Here lies Chau, She left little but took Greatly."

I can definitely count the people that will be there at my funeral and have enough substance to say, " Chau is gone but never will her spirit." on one hand and have honestly say I am not sad about it.

I know I lack connections with people around me and right out say that today I admit to a complete stranger that the people that I know are holding me back and that I don't feel challenge by them at all. To which this stranger looked at me with pity and said that her Friends are the greatest things that happened to her. I constantly look for more and this is the reason. I am not satisfied and that is what holding me back. Sympathy's better than having to tell you the truth.


There are two roads, I chose the uneven path cause it means I can walk alone without bumping into anyone but now that I reached the end I realized I am alone on this empty road with no footprints behind me.

Don't have Deathbed Regrets they said... I chose no.

Do you know me?

I am loud and speak way too much when I am uncomfortable something which have been noted as unconventional for me for which I smile and nod for the presumption that I am at heart a cheerer. I find comfort in silence and when I can sit in complete silence with you without you bringing up awkwardness then I am at peace. I rarely get to reach that point of comfort before someone will break the spell and the moment is gone. There is beauty in the mundane and no one sees it when they are so caught up in the action. People sees me as boring cause I don't talk much when I am with them... that is because I am at ease. Don't take me for what you see cause the layers are impossible to unwrap.

I don't know myself, I doubt anyone will .

(I am the patron saint of lost causes. Listen to what goes on in my head because music is the only thing that make sense)