Psycology

I have a very vivid, creative and freaky subconscious; it's even more creative than me when i'm awake in the way it tries to deal with nagging problems... I say this is because I have been steadily having interesting yet incredibly profound and strange dreams. They leave me confused, scared, questioning, excited, amazed, and empty.. sounds like a relationship gone wrong ain't it? Anywho, I wake up and go straight to looking up the symbols and what they mean only to go "WTF!?!? how did my head think of this stuff?" So I start to think whether I am crazy or that I just suppressed a lot of my emotions and that the only way for me to deal with it is to dream these super crazy and elaborate nightmaredreams.

The recent one, today that I woke up with, got me kinda weird out and having the "ohh yah, make sense" feeling. I guess that's why I gotta blog about it. What is it you ask? I dreamt about babies.. of all things.. I am not very fond of baby having idea or taking care of babies or anything related to babies except to look at them from afar and going "OOOOO soooo cute!!" and then walking away. Well in this dream, I didn't necessary had the baby myself but I fought for/stole/demanded/slap the mom/ran away with a baby. It's starting to get fuzzy now in my head but I think I was somehow walking and seeing a whole entire group of people with the mom in the back walking. The baby was tiny, frail looking and for some odd reason toddling after the group. I know if he's toddling then he's not a baby but in my dream I knew it was a baby and not a toddler and yet the mom is making him chase after her.. weird I know but dreams are not relative to reality. So, I picked him up and cradle him, going the opposite way. The mom ran up to me demanding him back but I started bitching at her telling her she's neglectful and look at how small he is, malnourished and all the good stuff. She wasn't too aggressive in wanting him back because I smacked her once and kept walking the other way. Then my dream jumped to me cradling him as he started to fall asleep in my arms, I walked around quietely and carefully but everytime I did that I would either bump his head somewhere, jostle him, flop his legs, almost drop him or just anything that prevent him from sleeping. I would walk into an empty room and then it would become a loud music kinda of place, I walk somewhere and it would be full of people. I stood in line for Claim Jumpers for some reason and a person ask me how come he's so small, I look down and told her he's not small he's normal and then instantly saw what she was talking about. Finally, I set him down in my room and on my blanket, cover him up and left the room to go in another with bunch of people sitting around chilling. They ask me what happened and I told them the only quiet place I found was below in the crypt (?!?!?!!?) they said good idea and then I woke up.

OK!?!?!?!? WHAT!?!?!?. I first thought it meant life (baby) dying (crypt) and freaked out cause my subconscious is telling me i'm going to die soon. But then I googled it and the general consensus seems to be symbol of self that feels vulnerable or helpless, desire for love, stand as own innocence and reflect a need for care and attention in some life's aspect. Forgetting a baby (in a crypt??) is feelings of guilt or feeling of one not being responsible. Not to get this post EXTREMELy longer than it already is.. I have to say my head really knows what it is doing.. even if I don't sometimes. Everything in the dream makes sense, even more brutal now because i realized I really don't pay attention to myself a lot. All of these feelings surfaced from recent going on about where I will be in 5 years. I can never answer that question even younger or just for fun. I see White when I think about the future..............what does that mean!?